fuxsake: August 2010

Just a Secretary, a cuppa tea and something peeping around the corner

I don't have the energy for fake conversation so step inside a shopping bag and meet me in the men's bathroom.

One Hump or Two?

You've never heard of that one? Surely its not just me!! They say when you fancy a bit of public shagging, don't do it at a store in the dressing rooms. Boring! Go to the men's bathroom - blokes generally don't use the stalls that often. They drain the one-eyed snake at the urinals and get the fuck outta there. So...you're less likely to get caught if you use the men's bathroom. One step better....one of you steps inside a shopping bag so if someone suspects any humpy pumpy going on and they peek underneath the stall, all they see is one set of feet and a shopping bag.Genius or wot??Another public shagging tip (seeing as we're on the subjecct) if you want to become a member of the Mile High Club, book yerself on a night flight when people will be sleeping, book the back seats in the back row. The toilets are far too cramped and so unsanitary. You don't wanna get your membership the old-fashioned way...and I'm not talking about your private pilot's license.Next!If you wanna get busy in a car, do it at the top of a multi-level parking garage. Generally its quiet and there aren't any other cars in sight so its less likey that you'll get a knock on your steamed-up window from the Boys in Blue.Four!Any Golfers out there? This is the perfect place for a bit of public lovin'. Choose a public golf course (usually the country clubs are a bit sticky on finding trespassers and non-members on their land). Not only is the grass soft and well-manicured, but the risk of getting biten by ticks or accidentally getting a stick lodged in yer bum or even the risk of poison ivy (like in the deep of the woods) is minimal. No one wants ticks suckin'on their testicals.Ever been caught by your offspring? Its no laughing matter when you're grunting and sweating like a pig and your 5 year old silently comes into the room and you don't even notice they are there until you hear the tiny little voice piping up "Faster, Mummy, Faster!". Instant limp noodle, I reckon, but it is still a wee bit funny.Any other suggestions?

Retro Reminiscing

Everyone could use a little magic in their life

Giorgia Palmas (Galeria 1)

What a sexy Philtrum you have!

Philtrum (pron. fil′trəm) n. The vertical groove in the midline of the upper lip. Also known as Cupid's Bow because it is said to resemble the bow of Cupid - the Roman god of erotic love.

I was once told, when I was younger by a woman who owned a modelling agency, that I had beautiful high cheek bones and the most perfect philtrum. WTF???

I was only 14 at the time and I had no fucking clue what she was talking about!

The Story goes like this....Friends of mine had made an appointment to sign up with a modelling agency, and I went along for the ride. The two sisters who wanted to sign up, wanted it so badly. It was their dream! They wanted to glide down the runways in designer clothes and ridiculously high heels. They wanted the so-called glamorous lifestyle of the Supermodels and have make-up artists and hair stylists faff over them and ooo and aaah at their every pose.

Anyhoo, the day in question, off we went to the modelling agency with the over-protective mother in tow, I tagged along for the day as I was spending the weekend at their house on a sleep-over.

When their dreams were crushed before their eyes and mine, I felt so sorry for them. Then again, what DID they expect?? They weren't the typical "model" types. Average looks, average height, nothing "Heidi Klum" about them.

The woman spent more time talking about my bone structure, my sexy philtrum and my ginger hair. I was fucking mortified. I was supposed to be the 5 foot nothing wall flower in the corner going along for the ride. I said nothing! The glares and grimaces from the sisters was enough to turn me instantly to ice!

The trip home was agonisingly quiet and awkward. The mother tried to "console" her girls and I sat in silence looking out the window not knowing what to say. I could feel their penetrating stares drill into the back of my skull.

Friendship Over!

14 year old girls are so fucking fickle. The next week I had a fist fight on the playground at school with the younger sister and got suspended for giving her a black eye and a bloody nose. Yeah, those were the days, Bitches! I may be 5 foot nothing but I'll kick yer skinny arses!

I still wondered what the fuck a philtrum was.

I had a dream about this the other night which reminded me a lot of that day and I thought I'd Google and find out what a philtrum was. I had no idea the wee groove in yer face even had a name.

There you have it, Peeps. I have a perfect philtrum!

Here are a few other celebrity types who are also considered to have the perfect philtrum.

Jim Sex-On-Legs Morrisson

Enrique "Rough 'n Rugged" Iglesias

Anna "Cum to Bed Eyes" Kournikova

Elvis Presley "The King"

Someone with NO philtrum. I guess you don't quite notice what's missing until its not there!

Some people even pierce their Philtrum!

Who else do you think has a sexy philtrum??

55 FFF - Episode 19

Read it....Or Not!

I started this blog nearly three years ago.

I began blogging to share my photos with overseas family and to keep them up to date with our lives, where we’d been and what we were up to. It was a great way to share without being on the phone or email for long amounts of time. My Boerewors’ brother was overseas and greatly appreciated the regular updates, all my family in Scotland could go log on and see pictures of how the girls were growing and the fun stuff we’d done together and the interesting places we’d visited.

This journey of blogging has been an awesome experience and is forever changing.

Not only have I enjoyed posting but writing it has become quite a therapy for me. I have enjoyed the creativity of moulding my wee blog. And in all honestly, it has been through my blog that I have found my love for expressing myself. It may not always been grammatically correct and my spelling can often be atrocious. I guess my brain thinks too fast for my fingers and I want to get “it down” before it escapes my head.

Writing and posting on my blog for all the world to see is liberating and sometimes scary. Scary because you never know who you are going to attract or offend. I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t like it – don’t read it. Since this is been all about what tickles me and what I find interesting and funny. And, who knows, I may entertain a few people along the way.

It has been doing this that I have found who I really am, what I really love doing, what is important to me and how I want to strive to hold on to those things.

I realise now why I’m continuing to blog.

Not only have I “met” some fabulous and interesting people along the way, but I have become open to finding out what makes other people passionate. In turn, it has revealed things about my that I never knew and didn’t explore.

I may divulge too much information sometimes, I may swear far too much, I expose details and open my mouth and let my lips flap. That’s me. I’m a blabbermouth and sometimes I don’t know when to shut up. I unlock my jaw and out it comes!

Read it – or don’t. I will continue flapping my lips and letting my voice be heard because in the nearly three years I have been blogging, I've never once wondered "what on earth shall I post today".

That’s the way I roll.

fuxsake

Just a Secretary, a cuppa tea and something peeping around the corner

Pilar Montenegro (Galeria 3)

Guess Who Got an Award?!

Gemini - The Twins